Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
