wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
pop tarts are not kleenex
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
