If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
How naked do you want me to be?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
