there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
