Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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