Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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