She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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