omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
