I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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