Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
