Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize