I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Holy shit dude........stairs
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
