Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
