she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
