And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize