Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
