somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
