She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Drunk is not a location!
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
