Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
