So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
