I'm so fucking centered right now
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
