She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize