who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
