I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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