She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
