ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
