Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
