bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
