These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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