I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
