Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
