I never want to see another naked old woman again.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
