so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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