her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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