Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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