3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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