Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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