I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
