I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
