oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
