I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize