Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We're too hungover to prance.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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