dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
we're making bets on your personal life
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
