Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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