So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
We're too hungover to prance.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
