I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
