i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
