Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
