The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
These tits shall not be calmed
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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