the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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