I hate your face
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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