Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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