after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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