i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
PANTIES FOUND
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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