Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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