11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
