You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
