Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
