We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Your penis caused this!
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