I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
