Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
he was CRYING into my vagina
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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