I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
