I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
