A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
